Saturday, October 03, 2009

Candy is Evil


So, just in time for Halloween, TIME comes out with this bit of absurdity in which a researcher in the UK posits that there is a link between children who eat candy and adults who commit crimes.

The study in question comes out of Cardiff University and brings what it believes to be incontrovertible evidence that the consumption of candy leads to criminal activity.

Researcher Simon Moore discovered that "kids with the worst problems tend to be impulsive risk takers, and that these kids had terrible diets - breakfast was a Coke and a bag of chips,"

He further discovered that: regardless of other environmental and lifestyle factors, like family-income level, parenting style or children's level of education, the data suggested it was only the frequency of confectionery consumption in childhood that strongly predicted adult violence.

So there you have it, folks. Just as the kid who is still drinking from a bottle at age 2 or sucking on a pacifer until Preschool, the kids who eats candy will grow up to be a criminal. That explains a lot. Especially since crime is such a relatively NEW concept...you know, it's only been around since they invented candy.


I'm glad this study comes out of the UK. If it was an American study I would be on my rant about wasting money on dumbness, but if Cardiff University wants to pay someone to link candy and crime, that's their business. I'm off to buy a big bag of Snickers to hand out to the hooligans on October 31st. I have no doubt at least one of the little rug rats who shows up at my door dressed as a hobo and waving a hollow plastic pumpkin at me will grow up to be a serial killer. But I also believe that one of that serial killer's fondest memories will be of getting high on sugar after a lawless night of Trick or Treating.


Call me an anarchist.

4 comments:

Jen said...

Hmmmm...Cardiff...I think Torchwood may be behind this....after all with the hub having been blown up, one could assume that all the nasty creatures they had stored away are now on the loose...

Cora Zane said...

If that ridiculous study were true, I'd be a criminal mastermind. I'm over 30, never had so much as a parking ticket, and STILL drink a cola and eat chips for breakfast!

Kristen Painter said...

Regardless, I don't think anyone should have soda and chips for breakfast. That's a disgusting way to treat your body.

Bernadette Gardner and Jennifer Colgan said...

Jen, I think Torchwood should get behind debunking the myth. Or maybe only aliens who eat candy become criminals.

Cora, I think every writer would have a rap sheet if the study were true. If it wasn't for candy, half my stories probably would never have gotten finished.

Kristen, the thing I found interesting was that a kid who has Coke and chips for breakfast probably does not have parents who care what he has for breakfast. How could that NOT be a factor in what he grows up to be?