Tuesday, November 14, 2006

How Did She Do It?

The November 10th issue of LIFE magazine [floppy thin little thing that comes in the Sunday paper] bears the still somewhat voluptuous yet newly ‘thin’ Kirstie Alley on the front.

I give Ms. Alley a lot of credit for being able to drop 75 pounds on Jenny Craig. I’m over her abandonment of her role as Saavik in Star Trek, and I actually did enjoy the few existing episodes of her latest sitcom ‘Fat Actress,’ so I was pleased when she ‘came out of the closet’ so to speak and went on television somewhat unapologetic about that fact that like most American women who are raising kids and dealing with day to day issues of life, she gained weight, so sue her.

I always thought she looked pretty good anyway. Many might not agree, but I think Kirstie has style. She’s funny, in a weird sort of way, and I personally think she’s quite courageous to actually be herself in Hollywood. It’s a tough thing to pull off.

Of course, in Hollywood, the fat doesn’t last. So Kirstie has been on a diet. I give her credit for sticking it out [of course it’s a lot easier when you’re a celebrity and you get all the food and counseling for free and don’t tell me she doesn’t]. It’s probably also easy when you can make it your full time job to be on a diet and get paid for it. Those harsh realities aside, she succeeded and she looks great at 145 pounds.

The thing that boggles my mind, though is this: The article in LIFE has an inset that shows Kirstie’s typical pre-Jenny diet which includes:

½ loaf of French bread
3 eggs
1 steak
12 grape sodas
3 slices of bacon
6 cups of pasta
6 TBS butter
20 sugar free ice pops
2 burritos

Total estimated calories: 7885!

So, almost 8000 calories a day combined to tip her weight up to 220 pounds.
All I have to say is, how did she manage to stay so thin?

I swear the gravity must be different in California. Or they must turn their scales back a little bit – or maybe a lot because hell, if I ate 8000 calories a day, I’d weigh about 4000 lbs. Probably a lot more. Of course if you cut back from 8000 to less than 2000 you’re going to lose weight. But how far do you have to cut back from 2000? I’ve counted calories, and to be honest, I can do the 2000-calorie thing without much trouble. I can even cut back to 1500 and it never seems to do me much good.

My daily intake looks more like this:

1 English muffin toasted
1 TBS jam
1 TBS margarine
1 glass of orange juice (8 oz)
Two slices of turkey on fat free bread with mustard [mustard has no calories, btw]
2 sodas
1 cup of pasta
1 cup of vegetables
2 pieces of garlic bread
2 mini candy bars or two or three cookies

Now I don’t have the exact calorie count of all this but it’s nowhere near 8000, so what’s the deal? Why didn’t Kirstie weigh 1000 pounds eating like that?

I think I’m going to move to California. If my gravity theory is correct, I probably weigh about 90 pounds soaking wet out there and I can eat to my heart’s content.


Jennifer Elbaum said...

TWELVE grape sodas?!?! Yuck!

If I was going to eat 8000 calories a day I'd at least eat some great food (like cheese, I LOVE cheese!) not grape soda.

Something about that math does not add up!

Bernadette Gardner and Jennifer Colgan said...

My downfall is chocolate and cookies, etc. I noticed there weren't any real sweets on Kirstie's list, sugar free ice pops don't really count. Where's the cake, the ice cream, the Oreos? If you're going to eat your way to oblivion, you've got to do it right.