The dreaded sucknopsis

I may have ranted about the sucknopsis before, but it bears repeating, so I'm going to do it again.

sucknopsis - 1. n. the distillation of a complete manuscript into less than five pages of plot highlights, written in intriguing and sparkling prose so as to entice an editor to buy said manuscript without having read it in its entirety; 2. n. a form of torture for writers

My unvampire WIP is going great. In fact, I'm in the home stretch - and I was happily planning to spend today writing THE END. I'm not complaining, mind you that my lovely agent has stirred up some interest in this book and that my finishing it ASAP is imperative. Egads - that's great! But of course, finishing the dern thing, means having a synopsis ready to send to editors, along with a full or partial manuscript.

Insert loud sobs and much wailing and gnashing of teeth here.

I may have ranted about the sucknopsis before, but it bears repeating, so I'm going to do it again.

Why do I hate the synopsis? Why do cats hate surfing? When the synopsis is done, my fur is wet, my eyes hurt and I look more like a rodent than a feline. That's why.

She's lost it, you say. Yes. I admit, I go a little nuts when I have to distill 90,000 words down to four or five pages of salient plot points. After all, I have tons of salient plot points. What if I miss an important one? What if I dwell on something that isn't as important as something else? What if I make my novel, currently in my humble opinion, my best work, sound like a mish-mashed movie of the week? What if I'm confusing, bland or down right incoherent?

In essence, what if the synopsis sucks?

I know, I know. Positive thinking. I positively hate writing the synopsis. It's actually harder than the blurb and usually less exciting. This is crunch time, and I hate crunching 360-400 pages down to five. It's just not fair.

I'm off to find a towel and a catnip mouse.